spelling bee moderator: contestant 142, your word is “fergalicious”
contestant: *looks around nervously* um… could i please have a definition?
moderator: *flips through dictionary* “fergalicious. definition: make them boys go loco.”
she reaches down seductively. I guide her hand to my zipper. she unzips my fanny pack by mistake. raviolis spill out everywhere
i’ve procrastinated all my life and got by but now it’s getting to the stage i’m probably genuinely fucking up my future
when I was a kid my best friend was from this super conservative christian family who didn’t let her listen to anything but gospel music and she wasn’t allowed to watch PG movies until she was 13 but now she’s a polyamorous bisexual atheist who follows her favorite bands around on tour all the time so I guess it all worked out
the rough neighborhoods of italy are called the spaghetto